Beer Troubleshooting

Beer Troubleshooting
1Problem:You can no longer feel the taste of beer. The feeling of satisfaction has disappeared. The beer appears to have become colorless.
Possible Cause:Your glass may be empty.
Solution:Quickly find someone willing to buy you another glass of beer.

2Problem:The taste is gone. So is the warm feeling. Your shirt feels somewhat wet from the collar down.
Possible Cause:Your mouth may be closed. Alternatively, you may be missing your mouth with your glass.
Solution:Regular practice sessions in front of the mirror are recommended.

3Problem:Your feet feel wet and cold.
Possible Cause:Your glass/mug/can/bottle is oriented upside down.
Solution:Position your beer so that the frothy part is pointed towards the ceiling.

4Problem:Your feet feel wet and warm.
Possible Cause:You suffer from insufficient bladder control.
Solution:Drink your beer in the vicinity of a dog (make sure it has a collar). After your "accident", request the owner of the dog make reparations in the form of beer.

5Problem:The floor looks blurry and out of focus.
Possible Cause:You are observing the floor throught he bottom of your empty beer glass.
Solution:Quickly find someone willing to buy you another glass of beer. (Hint: See previous entry.)

6Problem:Fluorecent lights have somehow migrated down to the wall.
Possible Cause:You have fallen on your back.
Solution:Loudly request that someone pick you up and guide you to the bar.

7Problem:Your beer tastes flat and a little fruity.
Possible Cause:The Barman has poured you a glass of Cranberry juice by mistake.
Solution:Make way to the bar (See #6), and loudly protest the horrible injustice. Request compensation in the form of beer.

Psalm 32:10 Many sorrows shall be to the wicked: but he that trusteth in the LORD, mercy shall compass him about.