True Doctor Stories

True Doctor Stories
>
> A man comes into the ER and yells,
> "My wife's going to
> have her baby in the
> cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
> rushed out to the cab,
> lifted the lady's --Dress,
> and began to take off her
> underwear. Suddenly I
> noticed that there were
> several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>
> --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>
>
>
>
>
> At the beginning of my shift
> I placed a stethoscope on
> an elderly and
> slightly deaf female patient's
> anterior chest wall.
> Big breaths," I
> instructed. "Yes, they used to be,"
> remorsefully
> replied the patient.
>
> --Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>
> One day I had to be the bearer
> of bad news when I told
> a wife that her
> husband had died of a massive
> myocardial infarct. Not
> more than five minutes
> later, I heard her reporting
> to the rest of the family
> that he had died of a
> "massive internal fart."
>
> --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>
>
> I was performing a complete physical,
> including the
> visual acuity test. I
> placed the patient twenty
> feet from the chart and
> began, "Cover your right
> eye with your hand." He read
> the 20/20 line perfectly.
> "Now your left."
> Again, a flawless read. " Now both,"
> I requested. There
> was silence. He
> couldn't even read the
> large E on the top line. I
> turned and discovered that
> he had done exactly what
> I had asked; he was standing
> there with both h is
> eyes covered. I was laughing
> too hard to finish the exam.
>
> --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
>
> During a patient's two week
> follow-up appointment with
> his cardiologist, he
> informed me, his doctor,
> that he was having trouble
> with one of his
> medications. Which one?"
> I asked. The patch. The nurse
> told me to put on a
> new one every six hours and
> now I'm running out of
> places to put it!" I had
> him quickly undress and
> discovered what I hoped I
> wouldn't see.
>
> Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
>
> Now the instructions include removal of
> the old patch before applying a new one.
>
> --Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
>
>
> While acquainting myself with
> a new elderly patient, I
> asked, "How long have
> you been bed-ridden?"
> After a look of complete
> confusion she answered,
> "Why, not for about twenty years
> -- when my husband was alive."
>
> --Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
> "So, how's your breakfast this morning?"
> "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
> Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,"
> the patient replied. I then asked to see the
> jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
> labeled "KY Jelly."
>
> --Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
>
> And Finally . . . .
>
>
> A new, young MD doing his
> residency in OB was quite
> embarrassed performing
> female pelvic exams. To cover
> his embarrassment he had
> unconsciously formed
> a habit of whistling softly.
>
> The middle aged lady upon whom
> he was performing this
> exam suddenly burst
> out laughing and further
> embarrassed him. He looked up
> from his work and
> sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.
> Was I tickling you?"
>
> She replied, "No doctor,
> but the song you were
> whistling was 'I wish I was
> an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
>
> --won't admit his name